The Pen Is Deadlier
by Indy Croft
Summary: Quan Chi has invaded, and he is unstoppable! Or is he?


The Pen is Deadlier  
  
Copyright 2003  
  
Disclaimer: No one here is mine, and it's possible I've messed up Quan Chi since I don't know him all that well. But this is all just for fun anyway, so I don't think it'll be too much of a big deal.  
  
Hope you like it.  
  
Everyone was dead.  
  
Dead silent, that is, as they watched the spectacle taking place before them. Depending upon one's position in the crowd, to the left, standing forebodingly before the darkening skies of night that slowly descended, one could see an army unlike any seen before. Foot soldiers of a completely different race made up the front row that waited patiently for the next move. Behind them, men in long brown robes that greatly resembled those of monks stood with heads bowed. And in the middle, an odd looking and vicious man gazed over the crowds with firm, cold, unforgiving eyes.  
  
To the right stood only a few individuals, ranging in size, shape and sex. Those that seemed to stand out most wore bright clothing and masks or very little clothing in styles that clearly were not of this day, if this world. One man in a long white robe with silver hair stood slightly ahead of this motley crew, clearly marking him as the leader, or the most insane. The rest stood patiently, calmly, but with a hardened look that clearly said one thing: You're not welcome here.  
  
To an innocent bystander, it merely looked like a showdown with a vendetta. Past discrepancies having resurfaced with a vengeance, and now it was time to face the music. No one in the crowds had any idea just how personal this battle was, and how each person would be affected in the end in one way or another. Perhaps if they knew the truth behind this invasion, they, too, would be standing to fight. But as a natural habit, people fear what they don't understand, and simply stood back in fearful contemplation.  
  
"Don't try to stop me, Rayden. I will take it, and there's nothing you can do about it," the albino bald man called across the only bare part of pavement on the packed city street.  
  
"Never, Quan Chi," the silver haired man replied defiantly. "We will fight you to the end." Agreements from the humans behind him echoed into the night.  
  
"This is one fight you cannot win."  
  
"It's won as far as we're concerned."  
  
"You have no right."  
  
"We got here first!"  
  
"I don't see your name anywhere!"  
  
"Nor do I see yours!"  
  
"You should just turn and leave, Quan Chi!" a blue clad masked man called out as he stepped forward. "This was not intended for you, therefore you have no hold over it."  
  
"And who was it intended for? The mortals of your puny planet? Ha! A joke and a half. Nothing of such stature, such power, such wisdom or greatness could ever belong to such a race of incabable, impudent, incorrigible creatures." He laughed lowly against the rumbling clouds that rolled across the darkening sky while the crowds murmured amongst themselves and shifted around at the insults. "No, Sub-Zero. Even you, a pathetic Link Kuei, should be wise enough to know that this is something that could only belong to a truly powerful being."  
  
"Really?" a feminine voice spoke up. "A truly powerful being? I don't see anyone like that around here."  
  
Rayden turned back with a hurt expression. "Hey…"  
  
Sonya rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Rayden, you just ruined the insult."  
  
"…Oh."  
  
"You want to see a truly powerful being, woman? Then behold, my power!" Swirls of energy grew around his hands and spread from his body in snakes of green silver, pulsating with his heart and oppressing those close enough with intense heat. He floated up into the air and hovered above the dazed crowds, all the while glowing with powers from somewhere creative that I can't think of at the moment.  
  
"Look," Johnny Cage pointed, "It's a giant lightning bug!"  
  
Jax, who was standing right next to him, couldn't help but groan.  
  
"And now, with my great powers that no one here can possibly match, I am going to commandeer this building as my new headquarters until further notice!"  
  
Everyone in the crowds blinked at him.   
  
"What the hell did he just say?" Jade whispered to Kitana.  
  
The princess shrugged back. "I have no idea."  
  
"Where do you suppose the writer's going with this?"  
  
"Jade, I'd tell you if I knew."  
  
"Try and stop me, mortals, and I'll destroy you all!" Quan Chi came back down to the earth with a gentle hop and started forward, to the front door, deadly intent set in his gaze.  
  
"Then let the fight begin!" Rayden shouted, and with a wild cry form all his fighters behind him, the small group charged the army. The crowd around them tried to spread out further, to get back for a better look at the blood brawl taking place. Fists and legs swung out wildly, people were thrown around like rag dolls, and somewhere in the background the clanging of swords and burning fires and hooves pounding against cobblestone echoed into the night. The bandits rode through the burning village, calling out wildly as they raced from the knights in shinning armor come to save the fair Princess Tidaway from certain death.  
  
Oh, shit, wrong story.  
  
Moving on, Liu Kang, the Mortal Kombat hero of previous games and movies and stories and fan fictions (except for those stories like TOAST where Liu Kang clearly stood no chance against a piece of burnt bread) was about to be run through with a huge piece of crust from a rye loaf that Quan Chi brandished over the hero's heart, when there was a wild scream from the crowd.  
  
"IT'S OPEN!"  
  
Everyone suddenly froze and looked around in surprise, until once again the cry came, "IT'S OPEN! IT'S OPEN!"  
  
Battle forgotten, Quan Chi tossed Kang to the ground and began climbing over the crowds who raced toward the doors.   
  
"No, I got here first!" came from the right.  
  
"Get out of my way, you old fool!" came from the left.  
  
Using his superior strength, Chi pushed people aside, stepped on those that couldn't get out of the way, unconcerned of anyone else's well being, until finally, there, there it was, and he was reaching for it, his fingertips brushing it, it was in his grasp-  
  
And Rayden pulled it away first.  
  
"NO!" Quan Chi howled. "GIVE ME THAT HARRY POTTER BOOK!"  
  
"NEVER!"  
  
"IT'S MINE!"  
  
"I GOT IT FIRST!"  
  
In seconds the frantic pulling turned into an all out wrestle that involved the thousands of people of quiet South Boston that had come to the Barnes and Noble to get their own copy. The ground quaked and the light fixtures swung while cries of anger and pain filled the already too tight building. Underneath the crowds that swarmed to the book shelves, Rayden and Chi still wrestled over the book.  
  
"YOU'LL PAY DEARLY FOR THIS IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THAT BOOK!"  
  
"YOU'LL NEVER BEST ME, YOU CUE BALL!"  
  
A little voice cut in. "Excuse me?"  
  
Both men looked up to a seven year old girl with wide brown eyes and light blond hair. Her head was cocked to the side like she was perplexed. "It's not good to fight."  
  
"Have you tried it?" Quan Chi growled back.  
  
"You should share, that's better," she replied. "Or just get another book, there's a lot, you know."  
  
Rayden looked at Chi who looked at Rayden who looked at Chi who looked at Rayden who-oh, I think you get the point. "Well," he allowed, "why don't you get another book?"  
  
"Why should I get another book? You're the one stealing mine!"  
  
"Yours?!" a new voice called out sharply. Both men looked up again to see a very strict looking librarian staring down at them with slits for eyes. "I beg your pardon gentleman, but none of these books are 'yours' until you buy them at the register." She stomped her foot. "Now, if you're not going to buy the book, I'll have to ask you two to leave."  
  
Again, both men looked at each other, sighed, and stood up. "Yes, ma'am," they replied in unison while glaring at each other.   
  
"Good," she answered and walked away.  
  
"Well, then, Rayden, if you'll just let go, I must be purchasing my book now," Chi said with an air of arrogance and began to walk away. But Rayden wouldn't let go.  
  
"I told you, this was mine, go get your own!" Once again, the book was pulled back and forth, the two men arguing all the while, until finally-GASP! DRAMATIC PAUSE!  
  
The book tore in half.  
  
With gaping mouths the men looked at their mistake then both moved their half of the book together to make it whole, only for it to fall apart again. Rayden, now as pale as Chi, stumbled back to lean against the wall, chocking sobs working into his throat.  
  
"No…" Chi mumbled as he fell to his knees to pick at the papers. "No!" He banged his fist against the floor. "No! Damn them! Damn them all to hell!"   
  
It was then that the young girl from before came over to the two distraught warriors and handed them both a new copy of the book. Both stared at first with distrust and confusion, then wonder and amazement before they reached out and took their own copy of the book. In unison, they looked at the book, then at each other, and began jumping up and down and up and down and up down shouting, "HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!"  
  
Once finished jumping around, Rayden was content to hug the book to his chest and giggle like a little school girl. His fight with Quan Chi was forgotten, as was the well bring of all his other fighters who were too busy trying to get ahead in the line at the counter.  
  
"Finally, the key to controlling the universe is in my grasp! Truly, everything I need to know in life I will learn from Harry Potter!" Quan Chi shouted gleefully. "Now my domination of this realm can begin! Once I master all of this young lad's spells, the world will be mine for the taking! My time has come!" And Quan Chi ran for the door, laughing maniacally all the while.  
  
Until he ran into the same strict librarian lady from before. And I mean, he literally ran into her and then collapsed. It was like hitting a brick wall. Quan Chi looked up dazed, and couldn't help but feel a sliver of fear staring up at the librarian lady.  
  
"You haven't purchased the book yet. If you leave now, you will be put under arrest for theft and sentenced to X amount of time in prison, with an X amount fine."  
  
"Drat! They outsmarted me again! Damn their cleverness!" Quan Chi cursed. "All right, all right. Where's the checkout?"  
  
She pointed. "OK, go out this door and turn left. Stop at the coffeeshop and make another right. Follow that street until you reach the park with three ducks sitting in the pond, and then you'll make a quick left by the third bench on the right side, and there is where you want to be."  
  
Quan Chi's jaw hit the floor. "Why is the checkout all the way out there?"  
  
"Oh, it's not," the lady reassured him. "The checkout is actually right over there by the romances, but the line is all the way down the end of the park."  
  
Chi turned to see that the line really was that long, and he fell to his knees again in agony. "No, you can't do this to me! I'm a truly powerful being, I will be the new ruler of this world, I-  
  
"Clearly don't understand the rule of first come, first serve. Sorry, sir, but store rules apply. You'll have to wait your turn."  
  
"NO!!!!" He held his head and cried out. "NO, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! AAAAAHHHH!!!" And he combusted on the spot.  
  
And that was how Quan Chi was defeated, along with all his minions, who are now trapped in an eternity of eternal pain. What is that eternal pain, you ask?  
  
"Hey. Hey! You can't do this to me! NO! NO!!! WHERE'S THE END OF THE BOOK!?!?!? I DIDN'T FIND OUT WHO DIES YET!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"  
  
The end.  
  
  
  
Hope you guys enjoyed it. Sorry I haven't been writing in a while. I'll try to back into the swing of things soon. Comments are always welcome. Thanks! 


End file.
